Hero
by ImpalaLove
Summary: Dean Winchester thinks he knows what being a hero means. Sometimes he's just not sure if he can be one. Spoilers for most seasons so probably don't read unless you're all caught up through 9. Rated for one bad word.


**I actually have no idea where this came from, but here it is. There's some (mostly) vague spoilers for seasons 1, 4/5 and 9, so be aware of that. One bad word.**

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Hero

Dean Winchester is 9 years old, and he thinks he knows what it means to be a hero. Heroes are big and invincible and ceaseless. They run headlong at evil's ugly face with shotgun leveled and muscles coiled. A hero is the man who searches the shadows for the monsters no one else wants to find, the one who scatters salt over thresholds and stitches himself back together again with only a few muffled groans, even as blood stains motel carpet. Dean Winchester lives with a hero, a lethal force he calls 'Father' and 'Dad' and, more often, 'Sir'. Dean knows that this is the best a man can be, saving lives and drowning miles beneath Led Zeppelin and loud conversation. Dean hopes he has what it takes to be a hero one day.

**ooOoOoOoo**

Dean Winchester is 22 years old, and he thinks he can't be Sammy's hero anymore. Heroes are strong and brave and fearless. They sprint headlong towards their biggest fears with eyes open and mouths smiling. A hero is a man who faces words like "scholarship" and "leaving" without a wince or blink, the one who covers bruises and patches his own wounds under cover of darkness, even as tears fall silent onto motel carpet. Dean Winchester says goodbye to his purpose, a stubborn force he calls 'Sam' and 'brother' and more often, 'Sammy.' Dean knows his brother is already the best a young man can be, following a hidden dream and putting miles between himself and the life he never deserved to suffer through. Dean hopes he can stick around long enough to see the person his little brother becomes one day.

**ooOoOoOoo**

Dean Winchester is 26 years old, and he doesn't feel like a hero. Heroes are proud and solid and unrelenting. They get the job done with pointed questions and quickly-found answers. A hero is a man capable of finding his lost father within the week, a man who slashes his way through demon and monster alike, their blood staining concrete of the prison his father could be trapped within. Dean Winchester struggles to be more than a boy, a fickle force he calls 'Dean' and 'come on, man' and, more often, 'useless.' Dean knows this is the worst a man can be, not able to save those he loves most and crawling selfishly back to the brother who left him behind years ago. Dean hopes he can find a way to make it up to both of them one day.

**ooOoOoOoo**

Dean Winchester is 31 years old, and he doesn't have what it takes to be a hero anymore. Heroes are stubborn and steady and a force to be reckoned with. They push back against a destiny set in stone since the beginning. A hero is a man who can resist the pull of peaceful oblivion, a man who isn't afraid to slice the wings from an angel, even as the whole world bleeds onto rotten ground. Dean Winchester will say yes to Fate, an insurmountable force he calls 'Michael' and 'Lucifer' and, more often, 'so fucking unfair.' Dean knows this is the most cowardly a man can be, speeding off into the night as his little brother runs after him and screams for another chance. Dean hopes he can at least save the people who mean the most to him for another day.

**ooOoOoOoo**

Dean Winchester is 35 years old, and he knows he'll never be a hero now. Heroes are strong and pure and good. They are not branded by a Mark more deadly than darkness. A hero is the man with pure irises not stained black, the man who fights against the demons that stalk an endless night, even as his own blood spills with finality. Dean Winchester has surrendered to the lust of the kill, leaving guilt in the dust he should instead be buried in as his brother mourns an undead corpse. Dean hopes he has the will power to snuff out the monster he's become.

** ooOoOoOoo**

Sam Winchester sees cold black eyes staring back at him, and he vows to be the hero for once.

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**Thank you so much for reading and reviewing if you take the time to do so!**


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